The Rector Writes – November 2009
Dear Friends
Pam and I would like to express our thanks to everyone who congratulated us on the occasion of our silver wedding anniversary. We were married at 12 noon at Holy Trinity Church, Norwich on Saturday 29th September 1984 and therefore we have spent just over one third of our married life in this parish.
This month’s article is by way of a book recommendation. It is entitled ‘How to Talk so Teens will Listen and Listen so Teens will Talk’. It is written by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish and is published by Picadilly at £10.99.
Some of you may have already decided to buy this book on the strength of the title alone if you are ready to consider anything to improve communication in your household. You may have thought that you have tried everything but it has made no difference.
The book is written in narrative style, largely consisting of the dialogues at a series of meetings between one of the authors and a group of parents who had run out of ideas on how to bring up their children. It also discusses how the world has changed so much since they were teens, and there are cartoons of incidents in a family’s life showing where things go wrong but how, with a different attitude and a few different phrases, an exchange can be positive and harmonious.
One chapter is about how parents can show themselves sympathetic to their teenage children by identifying with their feelings, such as frustration and annoyance. Parents may not be able to change circumstances but they can change their children’s perception of them and demonstrate that they are on their side.
This book helps parents recognize and challenge their assumptions – I must give advice/point out faults straight away – and thus allow their teens space and dignity to make responsible decisions.
Yours sincerely
Martin Snellgrove